


Cigarette Day Dreams

by sadboihours (dangsu)



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: 80's, Alcohol, Alternate Universe - Muggle, Bisexual Remus Lupin, Gay Sirius Black, Lupin works at a bookstore, M/M, Punk Sirius Black, Smoking, Tattoo Artist Sirius Black, but he doesnt look it, no magic, on all levels except physical he is goth, remus is lowkey a goth, she exists to piss sirius off, sirius is a ball of emotions, takes place in 1981, teenaged tonks
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-11
Updated: 2021-01-16
Packaged: 2021-03-15 04:01:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 12,624
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28682223
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dangsu/pseuds/sadboihours
Summary: Sirius Black is the king of the alleyway. He's got the trash bins, a place to park his motorbike, and a pile of cigarette buds that has been accumulating ever since he started working at Disowned Tattoo Parlor. Sirius thinks he's got it all figured out until another pile of cigarette buds appears by the bookstore's back door.***"Sirius walks to his motorbike, trying to drown out the thoughts of the book store boy with the idea of pasta. He almost manages to get book store boy out of his mind but he turns around to stare into the window once more for good measure. Bookstore boy still has his back turned to the window but Sirius notices something he hadn’t before. In the corner of the bookstore’s back door lay another pile, allthough considerably smaller, of cigarette buds. Sirius wasn’t alone in this alley anymore."
Relationships: James Potter/Lily Evans Potter, Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Comments: 5
Kudos: 29





	1. Born To Lose

**Author's Note:**

> Hello, thank you for reading this. It's been a lot of fun to write. I'll try to update a chapter every day. Please let me know what you think!!!
> 
> Also: TW!!! This story contains mentions of homophobia and abusive parents. There is also talk about violence later on and lots of alcohol use. If you are not comfortable with these topics, I recommend that you don't read this.
> 
> Thanks!!!!! <3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Livin' in a jungle  
> It ain't so hard  
> Livin' in a city  
> It will eat out, eat out your heart"

Sirius has got his motorbike parked somewhere behind the Indian place’s trash bin and the parlor’s trash bin. It was one of the best places to park a motorbike as hardly anyone passes through the alleyway except Sirius and Dora. In a way, Sirius felt as if the alleyway was his own. He’s got the perfect place to park his bike, multiple trash bins to keep him company, and a place to smoke copious amounts of cigarettes that he stomps out into an impressive pile. Life was good.

He walks through the alleyway with an empty cup of coffee and his black duffle bag tucked by his side at twelve pm sharp. He used to roll around whenever he wanted to and took clients up as he pleased, but that had been before James decided to move in with his bird, leaving Sirius with the entire rent bill for their London flat. Even though Sirius has the money his uncle left for him, Sirius knew if he did not use the money wisely it would be gone by the time he was twenty-five. Sirius was reckless in his day-to-day life, but he knew when to sober up and plan for his future. Being broke was not on his to-do list.

Sirius throws away his cup in one of the trash bins that line the alleyway before sliding into the crack in between the run-down dinner and Indian restaurant that hid the staircase to Andromeda’s parlor. Sirius always took the back way through the alley instead of going up the stairs on the main road. He doesn’t know exactly why, but going through the dirty alleyway made him feel like he was in on a big secret. No customers ever frequented the alleyway. Nothing was there except trash bins and doors that led into other businesses. There were a few windows such as the one on the second-floor parlor and the one that allowed Sirius to peer into the bookstore on the other side of the alley, but other than the few windows and trash bins there was nothing. Sirius likes it this way, the alleyway belongs to himself.

Sirius skips up the narrow cement stairs before hitting the landing of the second floor. There were only two doors on the landing, one led into the parlor and the other a mysterious shop that sold odd artifacts such as crystals. Sirius only sees hippie-looking folks enter the shop so he decided never to step into the neighboring shop. Sirius Black was not a hippie.

Sirius opens the heavy door and enters the parlor, the stench of chemicals and vanilla candles heavy. Andromeda’s at the front desk reading one of her women’s magazines that Sirius doesn’t understand. It’s a bubble gum colour and has images of young women with feathered hair. She removes her eyes from the pink magazine to look at Sirius and smiles. 

“Ah, Sirius”, she grins. “This is the fifteenth consecutive day you’ve been on time for work! When are you gonna break your streak?” She teases.

Sirius rolls his eyes. “I told you, Andy, I’m working on the clock now. James bought a flat up in Westminster with Lily so I’ve got to start being responsible or whatever” .

Andromeda raises her perfectly groomed eyebrows with no wrinkles to be seen. Andromeda looked much younger than she actually was. Her long brown hair was tucked neatly into a ponytail and her eyelashes were perfectly curled and defined with the help of mascara. She looked to be about Sirius’s age, which horrifies him. She was only thirty-three but to Sirius, that seemed geriatric, and being compared to your cousin who’s _twelve_ years older than you is only a complement to the thirty-three-year-old. 

“Are you sure James and Lily haven’t killed you and hid your body in a flat in Westminster because this is not the Sirius Black I know”. 

“Sod off, Andy”. Sirius closes the door behind him and walks to the front desk. The chairs in the waiting room were empty and the low buzz of needle and skin colliding was not heard. It was slow today.

“Slow day?” Sirius asks. He throws his side bag onto the desk and hops onto it, sitting next to Andromeda who was actually sitting on a chair _behind_ the desk instead of on top of it.

Andromeda sighs and drops her pink magazine. She turns to look at her younger cousin. “What do you think, Sirius?” She gestures wildly around the room. “There’s nobody here”.

“Damn, I was just asking”. Sirius throws his hands up like he’s surrendering.

Andromeda grabs a pen and her notepad from the desk. “I’ve got a client who’s supposed to be coming in ten minutes.” She clicks the pen and scribbles furiously on the note pad. “She’s older-- almost forty-five! It’s not every day we get people older than thirty in here. She says she’s getting her husband’s initials on her arm, how charming!” 

With another click of the pen, she finishes her scribbling and tears the paper out of the pad, handing it to Sirius. “Would you be a saint and call these numbers while I’m inking her up and mopping up the waterworks?”

Sirius looks down at the paper and sees about five phone numbers written on the paper. He folds the paper up and puts it into the front pocket of his leather jacket. “Sure thing, Andy”. 

The parlor wasn’t exactly the most popular around town. Usually, they would get a few clients who’d booked appointments during the day to come in. Andromeda and Sirius would take turns sitting at the desk, taking and receiving calls, while the other would ink up the client. On days when they were exceptionally busy, they’d get Ted to come down from the flat above and watch the desk. 

“Oh, and if Bella calls, please hang up immediately. She’s been trying to contact me for a few days now. I reckon mum probably kicked it, finally. I couldn’t be bothered”, Andromeda says.

“Bellatrix has been calling you?” Sirius asks, shocked. He looks down at Andromeda. Her green eyes seemed to be accompanied by dark bags and Sirius noticed a grey in the sea of dark brown. Maybe Andromeda was aging faster than he originally thought. She still looked no older than twenty-five, just extremely sleep-deprived and stressed out.

Andromeda sighs. “ _Yes_. I haven’t had a civil conversation with her in seventeen years and I don’t see one happening any time soon. If mum died, I’m sure Narcissa would call… not that I like her much better. She’s just slightly more tolerable.”

Sirius kicks his feet against the desk. The room looked exceptionally bleak this afternoon. Maybe it was the way the clouds blocked any sun from entering the London sky (not that this weather was out of the ordinary) or maybe it was the way the office was uncomfortably silent and solemn. Normally Andy had much more pep to her step and was buzzing about, catching up with Sirius and asking Ted if he had made the stencils for the one pm customer like he said he would. Today Sirius noted that Andromeda seemed gloomy, not that she would tell Sirius if she was upset or anything. He just noted it.

“Yeah, Narcissa is definitely the more tolerable of the two”, Sirius agrees. 

“And she’s still a bitch and a half. I dislike both of them to no end. I’m not joking Sirius”, she adds after Sirius chuckles. “It’s not easy being a disowned Black, and those two bitches don’t make it any easier”. Andromeda rubs her tumbles and sighs. She really needs a day off.

“Tell me about it. We ought to write a memoir about it”, Sirius muses. “I could use Uncle Alfred’s funds to self-publish it and we could beg the bookstore across the alleyway to sell it. I reckon we’d sell about five copies before Bella comes knocking on the door with a knife”.

Andromeda laughs and playfully smacks Sirius. Sirius smiles, more so with the fact he’d made Andy smile than his actual joke.

“I think she’s also been sending letters to Dora lately. I haven’t got any proof, but she’s been acting awfully weird lately and has been asking questions about Bellatrix. I don’t know what exactly Bella has to say to her, but I assume it’s nothing nice since Bellatrix hates her.”

Sirius felt his jaw drop slightly and his eyebrows furrow. “She’s been sending Dora letters? What a crazy bitch!”

Andy sighs and nods. “Tell me about it”. She puts away a few loose papers on the desk before standing up from her chair.

“The old lady will be here any minute. I’m gonna head into the backroom so it looks like I’m actually working. You come over here and sit down in this chair instead of sitting on the desk like you were raised in a barn. Oh, and remember you must say, ‘Is so and so available to speak right now?’ and you can’t mention that it’s about a tattoo, because then their employers would get mad. Also, remember that the 702 number is for a removal appointment, and do not play any Sex Pistols while the old lady is in today. Actually, for that matter don’t play any punk music until nine pm. That’s when they start coming in anyway. And for the love of God”, Andromeda cracks her knuckles. “If Dora comes in any time before four, tell her I’m going to beat the leaving hell out of her”.

Sirius nods and hops of the desk as Andromeda makes her way into the backroom. “Sure thing, Andy”, he says while taking the chair. It was still warm from Andromeda and he slouches into it. Andromeda disappeared into the back supply room, which could better be described as a glorified walk-in closet. Hopefully, she’d sterilize the needles or actually organize the closet for the first time since she’d opened this place three years ago. Fat chance.

Sirius barely had time to turn the stereo on to the Top 40 and slide his messenger bag under the desk before a frail woman with wavy blonde hair and slightly wrinkled skin entered the shop from their main entrance. Her eyes were red and puffy and her lips quivered slightly. She looked like she had cried her eyes out on the tube here and was about to start bawling again. 

“Good afternoon”, Sirius chirped from behind the desk, trying to be as joyful as possible. “Welcome to ‘Disowned Tattoo Parlor’. Are you here from the twelve-fifteen appointment?”

The woman nodded her head and walked towards the desk. 

“Alright. Well, I’ll need you to sign a few papers before we begin and then I’ll get you situated with Andromeda in the inking room.” He looked at the binder next to him and took out a few papers and handed them for the lady to sign. She took the pen that Andromeda had left on the desk and hastily filled out all the information before handing the papers back to Sirius.

“Thank you. Follow me back”, he says while standing up even though it was pretty obvious where the inking room was. The parlor was small, some may even say cramped. The waiting room was large enough to fit about seven chairs, a fair-sized desk, and two exit doors; one being the main entrance and the other leading into the alleyway. There was the inking room which was right next to the main entrance and behind the desk and a narrow hallway that led into a small bathroom, the ‘backroom’ and a staircase that led up to the flat Andromeda lived in. 

The lady followed him to the inking room and Sirius unlocked the door to let her in. The jangling of his keys made Sirius feel important as he twisted the handle open. Yes, Sirius ‘the family disappointment (well one of them, at least) and most-likely-to-die-in a-knife-fight-at-a-pub’ Black was twenty-one years old, employed and thriving. He was born to lose but winning.

The lady hurried into the inking room and sat in one of the two grey plush chairs. The walls of the inking room were bright red and filled with paintings of various styles and sizes and a bookshelf filled with photobooks of Andromeda’s and Sirius’s best works sat in the corner of the room. 

“I’ll go get Andromeda”, Sirius says to the lady. She looks at him like he had grown an extra head. Sirius chalks it up to her being all shook-up from the nerves of getting your first tattoo and not the fact that Sirius looked absolutely obnoxious at all times. His curly black hair drops beneath his jaw and he’s got tattoos littered across his body and up to his neck. Nevermind the multiple safety pins he’s shoved through the fatty part of his ear and his intimidating leather jacket.

“Alright then”. Sirius leaves the room and closes the door softly before bolting into the back room.

“Andy, that woman's looking at me like I’ve gone mad!” Sirius whisper-shouts. Andy doesn’t look up at him, invested in the inking gun she was sterilizing. “Do you hear me?”

Andromeda sighs. “She’s probably sad ‘cause her husband’s dead”, Andromeda says gruffly. She grabs the gun and squeezes her way past Sirius into the hallway. “Don’t you have some phone calls to make?”.

“Right”. Sirius follows Andromeda out into the hallway. She walks into the inking room and Sirius takes his place back at the front desk. He took the paper with the list of phone numbers out of his leather jacket and looked at the sheer amount of them. Today was going to be a long and boring day.

******

Sirius finishes making back-to-back phone calls by two pm. He would have been done sooner if one lady from Brixton hadn’t been so adamant on keeping Sirius on the phone, telling him about his sun-sign and the alignment of the moon. Sirius had gotten pretty bored of it by the twentieth minute of her rambling and decided to play a game of tic-tac-toe with himself in Andromeda’s notepad. Eventually, she had made an appointment for the fifth of February and decided she was going to get a crab tattooed on her ankle for her sun-sign or whatever. Sirius was too preoccupied with his game of tic-tac-toe to bother with the details of it.

Finally done with the phone calls, Sirius allows himself to debate where he was going to head out for lunch. He could get something from the Indian restaurant on the first level, but that was just a staircase away and wouldn’t allow for him to really get out. He was feeling restless after having sat still for such a long time. Sirius thinks he’ll try out the Italian place down a few streets. It was far enough for him to ride his motorbike but close enough where Andromeda wouldn’t yell at him for leaving work for too long.

Sirius began to clean up the desk, putting pens into their cup holders and papers into their proper places when he hears the back door swing open. A girl with slightly washed out bubble gum pink hair in a school uniform barges in.

“Oh my God! Sirius, have you seen the new guy at the bookstore?” Dora squeals as she stumbled into the waiting room. She threw her school bag onto one of the chairs and peered out the window. “If you look out this window and into the bookstore’s window, you can see him working the register”.

Sirius rolls his eyes. “Aren’t you supposed to be at school right now? It’s only”, he checks the clock. “Two-twelve”.

“Shut up Sirius and come look at this bloke!” She looks at Sirius and waves her hand at him, becking him over. 

Sirius decided to amuse Dora and he slides out of the desk and strides over to where she was peering out of the window. He has to tilt his head and squint to get a good look at the boy. The boy looked to be anywhere between Dora’s or Sirius’s age. The distance made it hard to tell. What Sirius could make out, though, was his sandy brown hair and lanky figure. He appeared to be wearing a green jumper and was behind the register reading a book.

“I didn’t know you were into nerds, Dora'', Sirius murmurs, earning a slap across the head from his younger cousin. “Ouch, feisty little fucker… I guess the boy is cute in a… bookish manner”. He shrugs. “Not Really my type”.

“It’s a good thing nobody asked you then”, Dora retorts. 

“Aren’t you supposed to be at school?” Sirius thinks vaguely of Andromeda’s words earlier; _“If Dora comes in any time before four, tell her I’m going to beat the leaving hell out of her”._ It wasn’t a secret or anything that Dora was out of school more than she was in it, but Andromeda still tried to reprimand her daughter every now and then. Not like it worked. You can’t get anything into a sixteen-year-old’s thick skull, not even if you used a power drill.

Dora shrugs. “I’ve got better things to do.” Sirius has no desire to know what those better things are.

“Right. Well, I’m going to go get some pasta for lunch. Tell your mother I tried to convince you to go back to school or study or do anything except ogle at the bookstore nerd and that I’ll be back in an hour. If you want to do something useful you can sit at the front desk and take phone calls”. 

He leaves the window and grabs the keys to his motorbike from his duffle bag. He does a two-finger salute to his younger cousin before leaving through the back door. 

The cold January air hits Sirius like a ton of bricks and the dry wind burns the cracks in Sirius’s chapped lips. He stands on the ledge, in between the hippie shop and the parlor door. He pulls a pack of cigarettes and a lighter from his front pocket and takes out a cigarette, wedging it in between his lips before lighting it up. He inhales sharply, relishing in the bitter taste of the smoke. The smoke irritates the already irritated cracks in Sirius’s lip but he doesn’t care. 

Once the nicotine enters Sirius’s system, he begins to walk down the narrow cement steps. At the bottom of the steps, he decided to lean against the brick wall of the alleyway and take in the scene around him. The trash bins were the same, overfilled and riddled with flies. Sirius can’t help but look into the bookstore window, spotting the back of the kid Dora was blabbering about. He was definitely writing a knit jumper and denim jeans. Sirius doesn’t know why he feels himself wanting to go into the bookstore and not to buy a book.

Sirius sighs. He doesn’t have time to think about book store boy who most definitely not gay and probably a dork anyway. Sirius puts out his cigarette against the brick wall and drops it. The cigarette falls into a well-accumulated pile of crushed cigarettes, all of which were from Sirius. 

Sirius walks to his motorbike, trying to drown out the thoughts of the book store boy with the idea of pasta. He almost manages to get book store boy out of his mind but he turns around to stare into the window once more for good measure. Bookstore boy still has his back turned to the window but Sirius notices something he hadn’t before. In the corner of the bookstore’s back door lay another pile, although considerably smaller, of cigarette buds. Sirius wasn’t alone in this alley anymore.


	2. Cities in Dust

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "We found you hiding, we found you lying  
> Choking on the dirt and sand  
> Your former glories and all the stories  
> Dragged and washed with eager hands"

Sirius finishes up inking a heart onto a young man’s chest. He looked no older than nineteen and his cloudy eyes revealed that he wasn’t exactly all the way there. He had a bird with him who’d gotten a matching heart on her collar bone but she had gone into the waiting room after Andy finished with her. Sirius couldn’t help but think they were fools. They would probably be back in two months to get the tattoo covered up after they broke up.

“Alright, it’s finished”, Sirius says. The young man peers down to his chest and vaguely looks at his tattoo while Sirius gets up to get bandages and tape. 

“I’m going to wipe it down and put a bandage on it. You’ve got to keep it on for a few hours and try not to shower until the morning”. Sirius gets a wipe from under the brown chair and wipes down the surface of the man’s tattooed heart. The man winces and Sirius carefully tapes the bandage over the tattoo. “All good?”

The man nods. “Feeling good”, he says.

“Alright, well Ted at the front desk will deal with the payment information. Thank you for choosing Disowned Tattoo Parlor for your tattoo”. Sirius watches as the man hops off the seat and stumbles out of the inking room. It wasn’t too often that they had people try to leave without paying but it happened enough for Sirius to be weary. Luckily the bloke walks up to the front desk and ruffles around his wallet for whatever Ted’s charging him with.

Sirius puts away the ink gun. It was almost ten pm and Sirius was going to clock out soon. Normally on a Saturday he’d stay until they closed at twelve pm because that was when most of the drunk folks came in and business was the most fruitful, but Sirius had made plans a week ago to meet James and Lily down at the Leaky Cauldron. He couldn’t just bail on them now.

Sirius heads out of the ink room and heads into the waiting room. Sirius was surprised to see Andromeda sitting at the desk instead of her husband, reading the same pink magazine that she had been for the last few days. Ted must have gone up early after the young man with the heart tattoo paid. The desk had a number of pens and papers scrambled around, not looking its finest. Sirius spotted a few envelopes laying on the desk as well, maybe the mail had come in. 

“Clocking out early?” Andromeda asks without looking up from her magazine. Sirius doesn’t know how she seems to hear and see everything without ever tilting her head. Maybe she has eyes on all sides of her head and ears planted in every room.

“Yeah, I’m meeting James and Lily for some drinks. Thought I mentioned it earlier”. 

Andromeda shrugs. “You might have, I must have forgotten. I think I’m going to close the shop up earlier tonight anyways, I’ve got a lot to think about right now”.

Sirius frowns. “What about?”

“I’ve gotten a letter from Bellatrix. Mum’s kicked the bucket and they want to get together to talk about divvying up the assets. I’m not going, I know I’m not on the will and I have no desire to see my sisters. No money, no show”.

“If you're not on the will then why do they want you there?” Sirius asks. He doesn’t know if Andromeda knows for sure whether or not she’s on the will or not. Sirius secretly hopes his older cousin is. Andromeda isn’t exactly making bank from the parlor. 

“I don’t know. I think they want me there just to embarrass me. You know how the Black family is, they aren’t pleasant people.”

Sirius knows. There were certain criteria you had to have to work at ‘Disowned Tattoo Parlor’, the first and most important of the criteria being disowned from the Black family. “Is that all that’s bothering you?” Sirius asks while biting his lip, normally Andromeda didn’t let her family life bother her all too much. They reached out to her every few years, trying to stir up trouble or remind Andromeda how much of a disappointment she is. Andromeda had thick skin and this made Sirius suspect that something else was bothering her.

Andromeda turns the page of her magazine and sighs. She grabs one of the envelopes, it’s a very formal looking one, and hands it to Sirius. Sirius takes it and looks down at the envelope. He realizes that it’s already been opened and he flicks it open. “Read it”, Andromeda says.

Sirius takes the paper out of the envelope. It’s handwritten and reads;

_To the parents of Nymphadora Tonks,_

_It is to our disappointment that Boroughs Meadows Secondary School must report that Nymphadora Tonks, Year Twelve, will have to be held back a year if grades do not improve. Nymphadora Tonks has been absent for 18 days within the school year and is receiving failing marks in four of her classes. Please feel free to contact our office if you have any further questions._

_Jane Cottenham  
Headmistress of Boroughs Meadows Secondary School _

“Dora’s failing?” He asks even though it’s extremely appart that she was.

Andromeda sighs, dropping her magazine to rub her temples. “Yes'', she seethes. “She’s failing and I don’t know what to do to make her go to school! I’ve talked to her teacher before and they all say she’s bright and a well mannered girl-- can you believe that? Our Dora, well mannered?” She smiles briefly at Sirius before returning back to her somber monolog. “Anyways, all her teachers say her issue isn’t class, it’s _going_ to class. I’ve talked to her about it before! I’ve told her she has to go to school but she never seems to listen! God!” Andromeda takes a deep breath. For a second Sirius thinks he spots a layer of water glint in her eyes but as soon as he sees it it’s gone. “I just wonder what I’m doing wrong. I try so hard for her-- everything I do is for Dora. I just can’t help but feel like I’m failing her”.

Sirius shakes his head profusely. Andromeda was the strongest person he knew. Sirius had grown up hearing stories about his crazy teenage cousin standing up to her parents and beating to the tune of her own drum. Sirius had looked up to Andromeda since day one, his loyalty to her never wavering, not even when she got disowned when she was sixteen.

Sirius hadn’t seen Andromeda cry since the night he showed up at her doorstep the night he himself got kicked out, making it even harder for Sirius to watch her doubts herself as she teared up. He didn’t know if he should hop over the front desk and embrace her or hand her a tissue.

“It’s not easy. I try my best”, she says while a single tear slides down her cheek. “I was so scared when they kicked me out. I was sixteen, just like you, when it happened. I was homeless and pregnant. It was the scariest thing that has ever happened to me. And the thing is, I wasn’t even scared for myself. I was scared for my unborn baby. I was scared I’d never get back on my feet and she’d be raised on the streets or that I’d be a bad mother and she’d end up fucked up.”

“Andy, you’re not a bad mother. You’re amazing. I’m sure Dora’s just being a dumb teenager and bunking off class. She probably thinks she’s being rebellious”, Sirius tries to comfort his cousin. Andromeda takes out a tissue from a tissue box and dabs her cheek with it.

“Lord knows I haven’t always been the best mother! If it weren’t for Ted, I don’t know where we’d be! You don’t know this, but when Tonks was little, maybe eight years old, we got kicked out of the flat Ted was renting out and we spent a few months shelter to shelter. I just feel so guilty knowing I brought her into this world just to give her a rough life! I know it’s a lot better now, we’ve got food on our table and a roof of our own over our heads. I’ve got the parlor and Ted was able to quit his job at the factory to work out the stencils. And I’ve got you, Sirius. It hurt me so much seeing you turn up at my door step five years ago, so young and fragile, and I’m so glad that you’ve pulled through. There are so many things to be thankful for, but I can’t kick the feeling that I’m failing Dora! I see her ending more like me by the minute!”

Andromeda pauses and opens her mouth as if she’s about to say something before closing it promptly. She looks away from Sirius as if she’s debating whether or not she should disclose a piece of information to him.

“What is it, Andy?” Sirius asks. He doesn’t want to pry but he wants Andromeda to get whatever is bothering her of her chest.

“I walked into her room yesterday while she was changing”, she gulps and looks back at Sirius with wide eyes. “I saw small bruises on the back of her neck. And I know I shouldn’t be telling you this and Dora would kill me if she ever found out I did,” she bites her lips. “But I think they might be hickies. I’m just so scared she’s going to end up like me; sixteen, pregnant, homeless, and dropped out of school”.

Sirius has to stop himself from wincing, thinking about his younger cousin’s mysterious bruises and where she could have possibly gotten them from. It’s not something he wants to think about, Dora getting heated with a guy. He tries to burn the imagery out of his brain. 

“Andy, I’m sure it’s nothing. You’ve been nothing but amazing to Dora and I’m sure she’s just going through a rebellious phase. I’ll try to talk to her.”

Andromeda sniffles and nods. “Thanks, Sirius. Maybe she’ll open up to you since you two are only a few years apart… Anyways, I’m sorry for getting all emotional with you. I won’t keep you from James and Lily.”

“I’ll clean the shop and close up. Why don’t you head upstairs and get some rest, Andy? It seems like you could use some'', Sirius suggests. He doesn’t want to stay any later than he has to and he certainly does not want to blow off James and Lily but he just might if it means Andromeda could get some well deserved rest. He’d also make a note to talk to his cousin in the morning if he wasn’t too hung over. He’s got to knock some sense into Dora.

Andromeda shakes her head. “Nah, it’s fine Sirius. You go off to James and Lily. I’ll make Dora close up, got to punish her somehow”, she says with a sad smile.

Sirius nods. “Well, I guess I’ll see you tomorrow then”. Sirius grabs his bag and slings it over his shoulder, taking a few steps towards the back door.

“Don’t do anything stupid tonight. I’ll be seeing you tomorrow”. Andromeda musters a smile for Sirius. “And have fun”, she adds.

Sirius smiles back. “I will”. He opens the door and heads into the ledge, closing the door and grabbing the pack of cigarettes in his pocket. He puts it in between his teeth before lighting it. Sirius starts to wonder if this will be his life now. He’ll work throughout the week, ride the bike to pick up some lunch, catch up on family drama even though he was technically disowned, and finnish his day lighting a cigarette on the ledge. It wouldn’t be a bad life, just maybe a boring one.

Sometimes Sirius still wishes he was with Mark but then he remembers that Mark is a tremendous jerk and the reason for the unfortunate events that was Sirius’s life. They were fifteen when they met, sixteen when they got together and seventeen when they broke up. They were fine, even when Sirius’s mother had walked into her son's room and found him on top of his ‘best friend’ and had promptly kicked Sirius out. Mark had been there for Sirius and would visit him at whatever couch he was crashing on at the time. It was only when _Mark’s_ mother found out the two were seeing each other when things went south. He had thought it would be best to out Sirius to the entire school in order to save his own neck. 

Perhaps Sirius doesn’t miss Mark, rather he misses being with somebody. Sirius has met a few blokes at local bars and clubs and brought them to the flat but they never stayed for breakfast. Sirius sometimes wishes they would.

After smoking half the cigarette Sirius decides to head down the cement stairs that led into the alleyway. The alleyway was exceptionally dark at this time of the night. All the lights of the surrounding business were turned off except for the light shining through the bookstore’s window. Sirius doesn’t look into the window to sneak a look at bookstore boy. He already knows what he’s doing. He’s got his back to the window, is hunched over a book or is talking to a customer. Sirius knows this as it’s what bookstore boy has been doing every time he’s peered into the store ever since the day before when Dora had pointed him out.

Except he wasn’t. As Sirius made his way into the alley, he noticed a figure sitting on the steps that led into the bookstore. Sirius immediately recognised the figure as bookstore boy. Sirius finds himself stop walking to stop and stare at the boy.

He wears his hair slightly grown out but not unkempt. It tufts behind his ear and pokes out at odd places. He’s got light pink lips, almost like Mark’s but slightly thinner. Bookstore boy is wearing the same jumper he had been wearing the day before except tonight he’s also adorning a rather large denim jacket that looks worn out, like it’s been around for far too long and has seen too much. In a way, bookstore boy also looks just like his jacket.

Sirius couldn’t see it from the distance of the parlor’s window, but even in the night sky a slew of scars could be made out on the boy’s face and neck. He’s got a rather nasty one that extends from his jaw well into his cheek. It’s one of those scars that faded into pale splotchy patches, almost like a white mountaintop. 

The boy stares intently at Sirius, a smile tugging at his lips. He almost looks amused, like he’s used to being looked at. Bookstore boy takes a drag on his cigarette and Sirius notices his knuckles have also got scars. Bookstore boy looks like he walked into a blender and survived.

“Looking at anything particular?” Bookstore boy asks while blowing out smoke. He sounds amused enough but Sirius can hear a hint of aggression under the question, like he’s just daring Sirius to have a go at him. Sirius wonders if bookstore boy is always so defensive.

“So you’re the one who’s been working on the cigarette pile over there”, is all Sirius says. He points to the small accumulation of cigarette buds under the bookstore window. Bookstore boy just shrugs. “You just start working there?”

“Last week”, Bookstore boy answers. Sirius thinks he hears an accent although he can’t place it on any particular place. He flicks some ashes onto the ground and looks Sirius up and down wearily. It’s almost like he’s sizing him up. 

“You from around here?” Sirius asks before he can stop himself. He can tell he’s making bookstore boy uncomfortable. The poor boy was looking at Sirius with wild eyes, like he was an animal trapped in a corner looking for a quick escape. His shoulders were slouched and he took exceptionally long drags on his cigarette as if he were trying to make himself seem tough. The boy looked like he was ready to rip Sirius’s head off or bolt out of the alleyway at any given minute. He did not look so nerdy up close.

“No”. The boy store boy doesn’t elaborate. He blows out another puff of smoke before dropping his cigarette and crushing it with his ratty converse. “What’s your name?” the boy asks. The question surprises Sirius. Bookstore boy hadn’t seemed very interested in Sirius when he was answering Sirius’s small talk questions.

“Er… Sirius”, Sirius answers. He feels his cheeks get warm like they always got when Sirius introduces himself for the first time. Sirius has got a unique name that just so happened to sound _exactly_ like a word to describe being in a state demanding careful consideration or application. He usually got an ‘Are you serious?’ to which he’d reply, ‘I see you got the name right on the first time, congrats’. Normally it was a good laugh but something about the way bookstore boy held himself made Sirius apprehensive to joke around with him.

“Interesting name”, bookstore boy says with genuine interest. He stands up and opens the door to the bookstore. “Have a nice night, Sirius”, bookstore boy says before closing the door behind him, disappearing into the bookstore.

Sirius stands in the darkness of the alleyway stunned. He tried to soak up everything that had just happened, playing it back in his brain like a record that you just got for Christmas and put on repeat, memorizing the lyrics and guitar solos and immersing yourself into the thumping of the drums and bass. Why did Sirius just stop to stare at the boy like a weirdo? Why had the boy been so defensive?Why did he have so many scars? After he had replayed the dialog in his head for the millionth time, Sirius realized something; bookstore boy knew his name but Sirius hadn’t had the slightest clue as to what his is.

Sirius shakes the conversation with bookstore boy out of his head. He takes a deep breath to compose himself and makes his way to his motorbike. He’s got beers to drink and friends to meet.

***

“So thoughtful of you to join us”, James says. He’s got a mug of beer in between his hand, his index finger tapping against the handle. James looks at Sirius with the same obnoxious grin he’d been wearing for ten years straight. The only time Sirius recalls James frowning was when his parents had died in a car accident two years back but the smile had come back with a vengeance shortly after. It’s one of the reasons Sirius has been mates with James for over a decade, the smile was contagious.

“Got held up in traffic?” Lily asks. She smiles at Sirius but in a way unlike James. Her smile is genuine and tugs at the ends of her pink lips. While James’s smile makes you feel like you’re in a big inside joke, Lily’s smile makes you feel warm and fuzzy inside. Her emerald green eyes locks with Sirius’s own stormy pair and Sirius knows she’s trying to study him, see if anything is bothering him.

Sirius nods his head. He hadn’t known it was _that_ obvious that he had an odd night. He tries to push the thoughts of Bellatrix, Dora failing school, Andromeda crying, and the odd conversation he had in the alleyway with bookstore boy out of his head. He’d have all day tomorrow to mope about, tonight Sirius was supposed to have fun.

“Yeah, loads of it! You wouldn’t believe how many taxis were on the road tonight. I suppose it’s ‘cause it’s a Saturday. Lots of people will be out”. Sirius sits down on a stool next to James and watches the bartender serve mugs of beer and other alcoholic drinks to customers. He waits for him to deliver the last drink before waving him over. He really needs a drink right about now.

Sirius orders a beer and it comes in a mug similar to James’s. He takes a large first sip, relishing in the sour taste. As a seasoned drinker, it would take Sirius quite a few drinks to get tipsy, but Sirius was willing to wait.

“How’s the parlor going,” Lily asks after Sirius got a few gulps of his beer in. 

Sirius grimances, thinking about his day today. “It’s going okay”. He takes another sip of beer. “We got a young couple in tonight and they got matching hearts. Ted and I are placing bets how long until one of them comes in to get it covered up. Ted says it’ll be half a year. I say two months”.

“Very optimistic”, James says. “Although sometimes young love works out. Look at me and Lily!” He throws his arm around Lily, who rolls her eyes even though another she’s smiling another smile of hers.

Sirius gags. “You’re acting like you’re fifty, James”.

James grins sloppily. “I’m fifty in years of love, Sirius.”

Sirius turns to Lily who is trying to push James’s arm off of her, looking half amused and half embarrassed. “Is he drunk or something?” Sirius asks.

Lily shakes her head. “No, he’s just an idiot”. She manages to throw his arm off her. 

“I’m always an idiot, right now I’m lovestruck”, James proclaims.

“A love struck _idiot_ -”

“Don’t be such a grouch, Sirius. Maybe you’d lighten up if you got laid or something. You see any blokes here that you fancy?” James asks. He makes a deal of stretching his neck and peering around the bar. “Look, there’s a handsome fellow over there by the pool table. Maybe you ought to hit on him”.

Sirius doesn’t even bother to look at the guy James was talking about. There was a good chance the guy was straight-- no the guy _was_ straight. There weren’t alot of places to find gay blokes to get with unless you were at a gay bar, but then the blokes there were most likely just looking for a hook up. Sirius wasn’t looking for hookups anymore. They were fun when he was eighteen, getting over Mark and enjoying his new drinking freedoms, but they weren’t fun anymore when you were twenty-one and hadn’t been in a serious relationship since you were a teenager. 

“He’s probably straight, James'', Sirius groans. He doesn’t want to talk about boys with James. God bless James, he was the bestest friend anyone could ask for, but there were just some things the kid couldn’t understand. James would never understand the feeling of being unwanted you got when you were sixteen years old, trying to take the tube to a sketchy area of London because your own mother kicked you out of the only home you’d ever known and you rush to your older cousin’s door step because she’s the only person out there that you think would let you stay the night. James doesn’t know the feeling you get when you wonder if it’s your fault; if you’re faking being gay and you try to convice yourself you’re straight so that maybe you could go back home. He doesn’t know the feeling of the entire school knowing you’re gay, keeping your head down as everybody who used to be your friend laughs at you. 

“Let’s not talk about blokes tonight”, Sirius says. There’s a hint of a scowl in his voice but of course James doesn't catch it. Lily does, though, and she tries to change the subject.

“Right, well how’s the flat going for you?” Lily rests her head on her arms and her green eyes widen with interest as she looks at Sirius.

Sirius thinks about the flat waiting for him. It looked the same since James left three weeks ago except all of his stuff was gone. There were probably a few dishes in the sink and articles of clothing sprawled out in every room. The only difference was that there were now cigarette buds and ashes in every corner of the house. James didn’t like it when Sirius smoked inside. He said it made the flat smell bad and the second hand smoke would hurt his own lungs. James was very athletic like that, he didn’t want anything to come in the way between his health and ability to play rugby.

“It’s going fine. Breakfast is a little more boring without James breaking any plates or accidently electrifying himself”, Sirius smirks. 

“You should come over to our place for a sleepover, Sirius. That way you can see me electrify myself and see Lily laugh at me!”

“Is that an invitation for a threesmome, Potter?” Sirius asks with his eyebrows raised, earning him a smack across the head from James and rolled eyes from Lily.

“You’re not even into girls. Lily is all mine. Speaking of which”, James pauses, suddenly becoming serious. He stops smiling and peers at Sirius. 

“I’ve gotta tell you something. Actually, it’s the reason I wanted to get drinks in the first place.” James takes a deep breath. Sirius hasn’t seen James look so down-to-earth since the funeral.

“Lily and I are getting married”. He holds up his hand and shows a silver band on his ring finger.

Sirius turns to Lily for confirmation. The redhead is beaming and holds up her own hand. A decent sized ring with a glistening diamond sits on her finger. Sirius now feels like the fifty-year-old. Two of his friends are getting married.

“Wow”, Sirius says, lost for words. He feels his stomach sequim even though he wasn’t even one drink in. This day was all too much. He could handle the family drama and the weird conversation with the bookstore boy and even Andromeda crying, but now his two friends are getting married at twenty-one? This was all too much. 

Sirius forces a smile. “Congratulations!”.

James smiles right back. His hazel eyes twinkle and he claps his hands wildly. “And of course you’ll be my best man!”

Sirius nods. “I’m honored. Congrats, you two! This is all so… wow! I can’t believe you two are tying the knot! Twenty-one and married?”.

James chuckles sheepishly. “Well, ever since mum and dad passed and I’d taken over the family business. You know this, Sirius.” He pushes a strand of his jet black hair out of his face. For someone who’s parents' careers were based on haircare, James Potter had obnoxiously messy hair. “Business has been well. Lily’s graduating University in a few months. We figured why not settle down?”

Sirius taps his foot against the bar stool. He has seen way too many young couples come in the parlor for a tattoo and get it covered up after only a few months… He did not want to see the same thing happen to James-- or Lily for that matter. Still, he knows that James has been infatuated with Lily since he was twelve and that the two had been dating for four years. Maybe it was the right time for them to tie the knot. Sirius knows he should feel happy for his friends, but he just can’t seem to bury the growing lump in the pit of his stomach. Was Sirius jealous? No. He couldn’t be. He was happy for his friends. He did not envy them.

“I’m so happy for you two”, Sirius says with his plastered smile. James smiles right back, his goofy grin returning quickly. Lily on the other hand shots Sirius a questioning look. Sirius ignores her look and takes another big sip of beer. “So if I'm the best man does that mean I get to make a speech?”

Lily nods. “Of course”.

“And I can say anything?”.

James grins. “Technically yes-”

“No, James! He can _not_ just say anything”.

***

Sirius makes it back into his flat around half past twelve. He opens the door to the flat and is hit with the stench of stale cigarette smoke. Sirius drops his duffle bag onto the floor after closing the door and trudges to the sofa. He throws himself onto the sofa, not bothering to brush his teeth or change his clothes. Sirius was not drunk or anything, he had just had a few beers, but he was tired. He was tired of feeling like life lived him instead of him living his life. He was twenty-one, single, and living alone. None of this had bothered him until James moved out and got _engaged_. James was growing up and Sirius was staying firmly placed in his stage of life. 

Time doesn’t stop for anybody. Sirius groans thinking about the morning. He would wake up, take a shower, go to the parlor, and then go home like he did every night. Sirius was twenty-one! He should be out getting drunk on weeknights, getting into drunken fights, and sleeping around. 

Why was James getting married at twenty-one? He had so much to do, so many years to live, and he was just going to prematurely leave his youth just to get married? Maybe James really did love Lily. Maybe when you love somebody, you don’t mind deciding to spend your entire life with them.

Sirius falls asleep wondering if he’d ever find somebody he’d love like that.


	3. Disorder

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I've been waiting for a guide to come and take me by the hand.  
> Could these sensations make me feel the pleasures of a normal man?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everybody! I hope you all are enjoying this story so far. I'm so excited to post this chapter, it's been my favorite to write so far. Sorry about the delay, I've been very busy this week. I hope you all enjoy this chapter. If you feel compelled to, please comment some constructive criticism or your thoughts on the story so far. Thank you to anyone who has given this story a kudos, bookmark, or comment!!! <3
> 
> P.S I updated previous chapter names with songs and lyrics, check it out if you want!

Sirius has been sparing glances out the window periodically throughout the entire month. Whenever he was working at the front desk, scheduling appointments, he’d stretch his neck to peer out the parlor’s window and into the bookstore’s window. When he would ink up clients, he’d make excuses to retrieve supplies from the back room just to see what bookstore boy was doing. Normally bookstore boy would be sitting at the register reading a book or talking to what Sirius assumes were customers. He couldn’t quite see who the boy was talking too due to the position of the window, but Sirius saw him wave his arms in the air and talk with his hands. Sirius wishes he had been that enthusiastic about their own conversation a month back.

Sirius also noticed that bookstore boy recycled the same three jumpers throughout the week and would put on his denim jacket when he’d go outside to smoke. Sirius knew when his lunch break was and what time of the day bookstore boy would take a cigarette break. It was a dangerous pastime. 

“Let me have at the stereo”, Dora says from one of the waiting chairs she sat on. She frowns at the stereo in the corner of the waiting room that is playing the Ramones.

Sirius groans. “No”. Usually Andromeda let's Sirius play whatever he wants when the days are slow and today he has chosen to play his large selection of punk cassettes. He was quite enjoying the rhythmic noise of the Ramones and was not eager to let his younger cousin play that melancholic music she loves.

Dora rolls her eyes. “But it’s my birthday”.

“Happy Seventeenth, then”. He did not care who’s birthday it was, he was not letting Dora near the stereo.

She flips him off. “I know how much you hate working the front desk. How about I take over and you let me play my music. That way you can sit where I’m sitting and have a better view of bookstore boy”.

Sirius drops the pen he was holding. “What are you talking about?” He feels blood rush to his cheeks and he just knows he’s blushing. 

Dora grins mischievously. “It seems I’ve hit gold”, she muses. “I’ve seen you looking out this window every chance you get! Don’t even deny it, Sirius. I know you’re into Remus-”

“Who’s Remus?” Sirius asks.

“Bookstore boy. His name is Remus”.

“How do you know that?”

Dora rolls her eyes and gives Sirius an annoyed look. “He’s my friend, that’s why”.

Sirius frowns. How could Dora have become friends with bookstore boy before Sirius had two proper conversations with him? Never mind the fact that Dora had been spending all her time away from school inside the parlor as punishment for nearly failing school. She went straight to school and headed straight home from school. Where did she find time to befriend bookstore boy? Wait-

“You sneaky bastard! You’ve been bunking off class to talk to bookstore boy! Wait till Andy gets a load of this!” Sirius points his finger at Dora and narrows his eyes. “You are in big trouble”.

Dora’s eyes get wide and Sirius can tell she regrets slipping that piece of information now that Sirius had figured out where she was going this past month. “Only some class”, she mutters with her head down. She almost looks embarrassed. 

“Dora, I thought you were going to school”, Sirius says somberly. He stares down his younger cousin, trying to appear wise and older. Sirius knows he’s no example of a scholar but he is still going to attempt to be a good role model for Dora.

Dora blushes. “I have been”.

“Is there something going on? Is there something I should know?” Sirius asks, concerned. Maybe he was wrong. Sirius had told Andromeda that Dora was just being rebellious and that all teenagers go through something like this but maybe he was wrong. Maybe there was something wrong.

“No. Nothing’s going on. Now get your scrawny arse over here and mentally undress bookstore boy” Dora snaps. She hops off the chair, grabbing her school bag, and sitting down in front of the stereo. 

Sirius does as he says and walks to the chair by the window. He watches Dora fumble around her bag, looking for a cassette and rolls his eyes after she puts it in and The Cure starts to play. Dora stands back up and the back of her neckline slips slow, revealing the base of her neck. Sirius sees some odd marks on the back of her neck and remembers what Andromeda said about seeing hickeys. But these marks don’t look like hickies. They’re red and irritated instead of the cool purple colour of hickies. Sirius doesn’t get time to ponder the marks too long because another thought enters his brian.

“Are you and bookstore boy a thing?” He asks before he can stop himself.

Dora turns to face Sirius. Her face is white and her eyes are wide as plates. She looks horrified. 

“What? Why? No. I- He’s too old for me” she stutters. “Why do you think that?”

Sirius shrugs. He felt too embarrassed to point out the marks of the back of her neck. It wasn’t a conversation he wanted to have with Dora. He wonders if she knows his reasoning because she immediately pulls her shirt up to cover as much of her neck as possible.

“Just wondering”.

***

Two days later and Sirius still thought it was wholly unfair that Dora had befriended the kid first as she was teenaged and annoying and Sirius was matured and cool. With the way Sirius had been stalking-- no _observing_ bookstore boy, he might as well be best mates with him. Then it wouldn’t be weird for him to be so concerned with his whereabouts. Sirius had been looking for an excuse to approach bookstore boy again but had yet to find one. 

Until today.

Sirius had just finished inking a skull on one of the punks that stopped by the parlor every now and then. It was peculiar that the punk had come in the shop so early, usually they came around during the night instead of the afternoon, but Sirius didn’t complain. He was getting paid and if that meant tattooing a punk at four pm, he would do that. The punk had paid at the front desk and left through the front door just like all the other customers did. Once the punk left, Sirius found himself staring out the window that led into the alley way in hopes of spotting bookstore boy working the cashier or smoking in the alleyway. To Sirius utter horror, he wasn’t alone.

Sirius spotted bookstore boy leaning against the wall of the alley way, smoking a cigarette like he normally did around four pm, except this time he was accompanied by a rather short girl with pink hair. They seemed to be laughing carelessly and smoking. Sirius stood up from his chair so quickly that the chair almost toppled over and he rushed to the back door, opening it and running down the cement stairs.

“Supplying Cigarettes to a sixteen-year-old girl! How irresponsible!” He shouted from the bottom of the stairs.

“I’m _seventeen_ , Sirius!”

The boy looked mortified. He dropped his cigarette and stared at Sirius wide-eyed like Sirius was a teacher and caught him making out in a supply closet. “She’s the one who gave me the cigarettes”.

Sirius averted his gaze to Dora. She wrinkled her nose and crossed her arms. “It’s 1981, everyone smokes, Sirius”.

“You’re mother is going to kill you-”

“Not if you don’t tell her!”

“Then she’ll kill _me_!”

Sirius scowls. He doesn’t know why he’s so riled up and trying to break up Dora’s smoking sension with bookstore boy. He truly doesn’t care if Dora smokes or not, so maybe he just cares that she’s smoking with bookstore boy. That is most definitely the cause.

Bookstore boy musters an uncomfortable smile, the kind of smile you smile when you know you’re going to get punched and are trying to wiggle your way out of it. In the daylight Sirius gets a better look at the boy’s face. He’s got chocolatey brown eyes, smooth and creamy bust has an uncertain look to them-- like he’s constantly looking for an exit amongst a crowd of strangers. There was a glint of suspicion in his eyes similar to the one he had the night Sirius first met him. Sirius doesn’t know how he can tell all of this just by looking into his eyes, but he just can. 

The scars were even worse when the sun shone on them. Some looked like they had been around for decades even though the boy looked no older than Sirius while others were fresher. Sirius knows a thing or two about scars, he’s got a few from his mother back when he was in his early teens, before he ran away. But bookstore boy’s scars were different. They were more of them and they looked much deeper than they kind you’d get when your mother throws a glass plate at you. 

“I think I’ll leave”, bookstore boy says. He glances at Sirius nervously like he’s asking him for permission to leave. He doesn’t seem as tough as he did that one night a month ago. There were no accusatory remarks, just tensed shoulders and nervous figidding. Maybe he really did think Sirius was going to clock him in the jaw or something.

Sirius doesn’t want bookstore boy to leave. So instead of yelling at Dora some more and letting bookstore boy awkwardly haul himself inside the bookstore, Sirius says, “Look, mate. Sorry I yelled at you. I thought you were giving my cousin”, he gestures to Dora, “cigarettes. Seeing as that’s not the case I wanna apologize”.

Bookstore boy untenses when he realizes he isn’t getting slugged. “It’s fine”. He still looks uncomfortable and Sirius notices him giving longing looks to the bookstore door. 

“It’s really not. How about when you get off work I’ll buy you a drink from that pub down the street? I feel awful for yelling at you”, Sirius boldly offers. He feels his muscles tighten as he waits for an answer. Sirius was certainly reckless but he hadn’t expected himself to be so bold. He holds his breath while watching bookstore boy mull over the thought. 

Bookstore boy glances at Dora. She’s got a frown etched on and shrugs. It looks like the two are communicating without words and Sirius wonders just how close bookstore boy and Dora are...

“Sure. I get off at seven”, he says. He turns to Dora and gives her a small smile. “I guess I’ll see you ‘round, Tonks”. Bookstore boy opens the door to the bookstore and crawls back into the store, shutting the door promptly and resuming his post by the register.

“Tonks?” Sirius asks, baffled. He shoots Dora a puzzled look to which she blushes furiously.

“Everyone calls me Tonks except mum and dad and you, Sirius”.

Sirius rolls his eyes and wonders if she’s lying as going by ‘Tonks’ seems outlandish, but then again he’s never really seen Dora around anybody her age. She doesn’t talk about friends very often nor school. Maybe she does go by Tonks.

***

At seven pm Sirius finishes sorting papers at the front desk and informs Andromeda that he’s heading out early.

Andromeda was inking up a young girl’s ankle and didn’t even look up when she said, “You got a hot date or something?”

Sirius feels his stomach flip and his face get hot. “No. He’s a frie-”, Sirius barely knew bookstore boy, “I’m buying somebody a drink”. 

Andromeda has got her back facing Sirius so he can’t see her face but he just knows she’s rolling her eyes at him. “Be safe. Make sure you come in on time tomorrow and use prote-”

“Okay Andy! I’m leaving now!” Sirius calls out before Andromeda can finnish her sentence. He does _not_ need to think about him and bookstore boy doing anything more than having a conversation. Bookstore boy was not gay and was not even Sirius’s friend. Sirius really needs to get a grip on himself.

Sirius doesn’t bother to grab his duffle bag. He just takes his wallet and keys and decides to keep the bag at the parlor overnight. Sirius bolted out the back door and headed down the stone stairs. He did not smoke on the ledge tonight.

***

Sirius had knocked on the back door of the bookstore and waited patiently for bookstore boy to come out. Once bookstore boy came out, the two had departed without saying much to a pub a few stores down, both men smoking a cigarette. They had entered the pub and Sirius ordered drinks. 

“So…” Sirius starts awkwardly. This was not going as well as he thought it would. Bookstore boy was obviously not as socially adept as Sirius was and right now Sirius felt like he was entering uncharted territories. Sirius was usually bold, risky, reckless, and easy going and _not_ tongue tied. Normally he’d be able to blabber on for hours on end but today he felt words stuck to his tongue.

“You’re new here?” Sirius asks even though they had established that a month ago.

Bookstore boy nods his head. “Yeah, I’ve been in London for about a month and a half now. It’s a beautiful city, isn’t it?”

Sirius smiles. They were getting somewhere. “It is. How are you settling in?”

Bookstore boy grimances and tightens his grip on the beer mug. He takes a large gulp. “I’m settling in fine”. Sirius knows it’s a lie.

“Bullocks”, Sirius says. Bookstore boy furrows his eyebrows and bites the corner of his lip. “You can tell me the truth. Rant about it”.

Bookstore boy tilts his head. He peers at Sirius with narrowed eyes. They weren’t narrowed in an accusatory manner or a sneer, rather he seems to be questioning Sirius’s motives. In the dim light of the dinky London bar, Sirius notices how bookstore boy looks like a puppy that’s been kicked one too many times, constantly checking over his shoulder ready to run or bite at all times. Sirius wishes he could take bookstore boy’s hand and tell him it’s alright. Sirius won’t hurt him. 

Bookstore boy sighs and drops his gaze. “It’s been rough”, he starts. Sirius feels his insides kick up, giddy with the knowledge that bookstore boy deemed him worthy of trust. “I moved here about a month and a half ago. I’d been living in an inn for a few weeks before I got a flat about a month ago. I don’t have any money saved and I don’t have any furniture other than a mattress and a few glasses. I don’t have any friends here except a seventeen year old girl and I work for pennies. It’s rough”. He takes another sip of his beer. Sirius decides bookstore boy needs to get drunk.

“I’m sorry”, Sirius says. “If you don’t mind me asking…” he trails off, waiting for bookstore boy’s response.

“Shoot”.

“Why did you move here?”

Bookstore boy shrugs. “That’s not important. Let’s talk about something else, something fun”, he says the last word like it’s the last thing that he could possibly imagine happening tonight. “Tell me about yourself, Sirius”.

Sirius feels his stomach leap. He had forgotten that bookstore boy knew his first name. “I’ll tell you anything you want if you tell me your name”, he challenges.

Bookstore boy smiles. His smile isn’t flashy and doesn’t showcase all of his teeth like James’s smile and it isn’t soft and fuzzy like Lily’s. His smile is small and thoughtful, almost amused like he’s not really smiling at all and rather bitter like heard something offensive and his biting his tongue to prevent himself from saying something he’ll regret later. 

“My name is Remus Lupin”.

Sirius smiles. At least he wasn’t the only one here with a weird name. “That’s a nice name”.

Remus returns the smile. “Thanks. Now tell me about you.”

Sirius bites his lips. What exactly was there to say about himself? There was a lot he could say, but what was appropriate? He decided to stick to surface level stuff. He doesn't want to freak the poor kid out. 

“My name’s Sirius Black. I’m twenty-one. I work at the tattoo parlor across from the bookstore where you work. I work as an artist there but most days I’m stuck at the front desk while my cousin who owns the shop does all of the inking.”

Remus raises his eyebrows. “Wow, with the way you’re talking you’d think I’m interviewing you for a job.”

Sirius chuckles. “Were you not?”

“I don’t know. You don’t seem like the type who’d want to work at a bookstore. Actually you don’t seem like the type to read at all.” 

Sirius frowns in mock offense. “I’ll have you know I completed secondary school, which means I can read quite fine”.

“Really? What 's your favorite book then?” Remus challenges, enjoying the topic of reading.

Sirius pauses. He’d have to think about that. Just because he can read doesn’t mean Sirius _reads_. 

“I don’t read-read. I just read”, Sirius says with finality. 

“So you read but you don’t read?” Remus asks for clarification.

Sirius nods. “Precisely”. 

“Right. Well you must listen to music right?”

Sirius nods his head enthusiastically. Sirius Black could talk music for days. Ever since he discovered the wonder that was Punk Rock when he was seventeen, Sirius Black lived through music. If only Andy let him play it more in the shop…

“Oh yeah, I listen to music”, Sirius says with a mischievous smile. “If you can guess my top three favroite bands I’ll buy you another drink”, he says. It’s a lie. He was going to buy him one anyways. He just wants to mess around with Remus. Judging by the fact that this kid wore knit jumpers and worked at a bookstore, he probably never even heard of Sirius’s top three favorite bands.

Remus’s dodgy eyes seem to steady and he drops a layer of his guard, slouching his shoulder and breaking into a genuine grin. “Sure. Let me guess… hmm… The Beatles”, he says sarcastically.

“Wrong. You’ve got two more wrong guesses before you’re out”.

“Oh so now I’ve got a limit on bands I can guess?”

“Yes”.

Remus nods. “Okay then. Hmm… How about the Sex Pistols, the Damned, and the Buzzcocks. How many of those are on your list?”

Sirius dropped his jaw. Bookstore boy really just guessed two out of three of his favorite bands. Even Andromeda didn’t know any punk bands except the Pistols and Sirius played them all the time in the parlor. 

“Damn! I didn’t think you’d know any punk bands”, Sirius says impressed. Remus shrugs nonchalant. “You’ve got this bookish demeanor to you, didn’t know you’d know. You got two out of three. One more guess before you’re booted”. 

Remus scrunches his eyebrows up and pretends to look deep in thought. “Give me a hint?” he asks.

“They’re American”.

“Ah, okay. Makes sense. Give me a few more minutes”, he says while tapping his fingers against his mug. “The Ramones?”

Sirius beams. “Bingo! I’ll buy us another round once the bartender comes back our way. Until then, why don’t you tell me your favorite bands?”

Remus frowns for a second and looks down at his mug. Sirius wonders what the reason for his sudden mood change is. They were just making leeway.

“I won’t judge you”, Sirius says, hoping that was the reason for his silence. “I’m not a mean pretentious prick.”

“But you’re a punk”, Remus quips. Sirius notes that Remus can get mouthy. “Anyways, if you must know, my favorite bands at the moment are The Cure, Joy Division, and that sort of thing”.

Those were the bands that Dora listens to. No wonder they became friends. “Very moody. I see you’re a sad fucker”. Remus smiled bashfully. Maybe there was some truth to Sirius’s statement. “My younger cousin listens to that kind of stuff. She’s all teenaged and rebellious.”

“Well I’m not teenaged nor rebellious and I still like that kind of stuff”, Remus offers. Sirius notices him picking at a hangnail on his thumb. 

“How old are you?” Sirius asks. 

“Twenty”.

“So I’m older”, Sirius says proudly as he smiles to himself. Remus chuckles and shakes his head.

“I’m noticing you’re a bit immature”.

Sirius sticks his tongue out. “Not at all”. He notices the bartender hand out the last drink on a platter to a group of girls with heavy eye makeup. Sirius waves the bartender over and orders another round of drinks. 

As the night goes on, Sirius finds himself buying more rounds of drinks. It’s only beer, so it takes a few rounds for Sirius to get tipsy. It’s only by the time he reaches his fourth beer that his nerves loosen and he gets that giddy feeling. The conversations ride smoothly and both men find themselves laughing more than they did while sober. Sirius notices the way bookstore boy-- Remus-- speaks coherently, anonciating every word and showing no signs of drunkenness. He lost his defensive mannerisms, allowing himself to slouch and sit loosely on the barstool and his eyes occasionally swayed unevenly, but overall it was very apparent his wasn’t far gone. 

Sirius takes this as a good thing. Drinking with James and Lily was always cut short as Lily was a lightweight and James always volunteered to take care of her or bring her home. Lily was known as the definition of a rule-follower at their school. She was made a Prefect and refused to partake in parties of any sorts until their final year when she finally started dating James. Even then Lily was never much of a drinker, not compared to her boyfriend or Sirius. James had been a big drinker in his teens but calmed down since dating Lily, although he could definitely party when he wanted to, which wasn’t often anymore.

“And so I told our headmaster, ‘No, you can’t expel James! You lot need him to win the rugby game on Friday!’ and they actually listened! They didn’t expel James even though he set the entire classroom on fire! It was crazy!” Sirius smiles at the memory. Sirius had dared James to lit his text book on fire when they were sixteen and James actually did it except the burning book also burned a few desks in the process. It was scary then, funny now.

Remus laughs while clutching his mug. His laugh was raspy and it sounded as if hardly escaped from his throat, almost like it was his first time laughing. Sirius knows that isn’t true, that the kid had laughed before in his life, but he also knew it probably wasn’t a common occurrence. Sirius felt a strange sense of pride for making Remus laugh.

“What were you like in school?” Sirius asks. He had told Remus about all the dumb stunts him and James pulled when they were teens and all the evening they spent in detention. He told Remus about his professors and the parties he went to and even the love story behind James and Lily. He left out the part about being disowned for being gay, Mark, or even being gay, but he still felt like he had talked for hours and he was eager to here about Remus’s past. 

Remus grimaces, shrivelling his nose. He obviously wasn’t too fond of his adolescence. 

“I was kind of a nerd”, he starts. “And a book worm… and I wasn’t all too popular for a good while”.

Sirius watches Remus look down at his mug of beer, refusing to make eye contact with Sirius. He almost regrets asking the question.

“I got picked on alot. But then when I was like… thirteen or fourteen maybe, I learnt how to stick up for myself. I got tired of coming home beat up. Eventually I made some friends… although they weren’t good ones. I was the goody-goody in the group. My mother didn’t like those kids too much…” he trails off, looking up from his drink abruptly and looking into Sirius’s eyes.

“What’s the best place to get a cup of coffee around here?” He asks.

Sirius furrows his eyebrows, taken back by quick change of subject. He decides to go with it, it was obvious Remus wasn’t keen on revealing anything more about his past so Sirius was more than willing to drop the subject.

“There’s Lou’s Cafe a few stores down from the parlor”, Sirius says. “Why, are you trying to get a cup of coffee?”

Remus shakes his head. “No. I was just wondering”. He pauses to take another sip of his drink, looking rather thoughtful as he pulls the mug to his lips.

“Have you lived in London your whole life?” Remus asks. Sirius takes note that Remus is a master of changing the subject of a conversation.

“Yep”, Sirius says, popping the ‘p’.

“London’s crazy. I don’t know how anyone would have been able to grow up here… There’s always something going on.”

Sirius smiles and leans back on his chair. “That’s the best part. There’s always something going on. Plus, we’ve got loads of interesting places to visit. And I’m not just talking about Big Ben or Buckingham Palace. There’s tons of places you would never know existed unless you’re a native”.

Remus nods like it’s the most interesting thing he’s heard all week. Sirius reckons if he’s only been talking to Dora then it might just as well be the most interesting thing he’s heard all week. 

“Well I haven’t even gotten around to seeing Big Ben or Buckingham Palace, so I’ll have to take your word for it”, he finally says.

“You’ve never seen Big Ben or Buckingham Palace?” Sirius gasps. It had never occurred to Sirius that someone might not have seen some of London’s most iconic sights. 

Remus shakes his head. “Never”.

“Well we’ve got to change that”, Sirius says quickly. 

“We?” Remus asks.

Sirius nods his head. “We. Not tonight of course, tonight we’re gonna get properly drunk to celebrate your first month in London”. Sirius orders another round and both men smile as they clink their mugs together.


End file.
